Someone watches your video to the end. They tap the wee heart. And your stomach drops.
Because now you’re supposed to slide into their DMs. And you freeze.
You either say nothing and let a warm lead go cold. Or you paste in the team script, hit send, and cringe for the rest of the day.
Here is the thing. Nobody ever taught you how to start conversations in the DMs without one of those two things happening.
The good news? The people on our team who quietly build a real customer base are no better on camera than you. They’re no more charming either. They’ve just worked out how to open a chat that feels like one human talking to another. No script, and nothing to cringe about the next morning. And you can copy it this week.
Why the copy-paste pitch was always going to flop
Think about your own phone for a second.
When a stranger opens with “Hey hun! I noticed you’re a go-getter and I’ve got an exciting opportunity…”, what do you do? You know exactly what you do. You archive it. You maybe screenshot it for the laugh with a friend.
So why would we send the very same thing to someone else?
The pitch-first message flops because it skips the whole point. People buy from someone they trust who is clearly going somewhere. Trust does not arrive in the first message. It gets built in the back and forth, the way it does with a real friend. Lead with the pitch and you’ve asked for the wedding before the first cup of tea.
This is the heart of what the marketers call attraction marketing: you draw people in with something genuinely useful first, and the offer comes later, in conversation, once there’s a bit of warmth. It works far better for a busy part-time distributor too, because being real costs you nothing and it’s the one thing a big polished agency can’t fake.
How to start conversations in the DMs (the human way)
Here is the shift. A DM is just a chat. Treat it like one.
So treat the person like a person. Your only job in the first message is to start a conversation a normal human would enjoy. That’s it. No product, no link.
Three simple rules make it easy:
Make it about them. The message should give them something or ask them something. Don’t announce yourself and don’t lead with what you do.
Reference a real thing. A comment they left, a post they shared, a photo of their wee dog. Specific beats generic every time.
Leave the door open. End in a way that’s easy to reply to. A genuine question does the job on its own.
The whole art of good social selling is being the useful, warm account someone is glad to hear from, rather than the pushy one they mute. Get that right and the DM stops being scary.
Four openers that actually get a reply
Steal these. Change the words so they sound like you.
The genuine compliment plus a question. “Loved your post about the 5am starts. How are you finding it now, honestly?” You’ve noticed them, and you’ve handed them an easy thing to answer.
The reply to their reply. Someone comments “looks lovely” on your smoothie post. Don’t leave it at a heart. Message back: “Thanks a million! Are you a smoothie in the morning person, or a proper cooked breakfast one?” Now you’re talking.
The check-in on an old chat. Someone you spoke to months ago. “Was thinking of you, how did that house move go in the end?” No agenda. Just being a decent human, which is the whole game.
The ask for their take. “You always seem so organised with the kids and the job. What’s your one trick? I’m drowning here.” People love being asked. And their answer tells you a lot about where they’re at.
Notice what none of these do. None of them mention the product. None of them ask for anything. They start a chat, and the chat is where trust gets built, one message at a time.
Content is what earns you the right to the DM
There’s a reason the DM feels far less awkward when someone already follows your stuff.
If you’re showing up honestly, sharing the real week and the small wins, then by the time you message them they already half know you. A hello from you is welcome, because you’re already a familiar face on their feed. That’s why posting one real clip a week in your own voice is worth protecting. Content starts the conversation. The DM continues it.
And your content hands you endless natural reasons to get in touch. Share something genuinely useful, like why so many of us are quietly falling short on our fruit and veg most days, and the people who reply have just told you they’re interested. You don’t have to guess who to talk to. They raised their hand.
Your one thing this week
Forget the funnel. Forget going viral. Here’s the single habit that changes everything, and it’s small enough to do on a bad day.
Start five real conversations this week. Not pitches. Conversations.
Pick five people who liked, commented, or watched something of yours. Send each one a genuine, human message with no agenda beyond saying hello like a friend would. Then reply like a friend would when they write back.
Some will chat and go nowhere. Grand. That’s normal, and it’s still good practice. A couple will open up. And somewhere down the line, weeks maybe, one of those warm chats will turn into “actually, tell me more about what you do”. That’s when the offer belongs. Not before.
Five conversations a week. Protect the fifteen minutes it takes like you’d protect a coffee with a mate. Do it every week and you’ll never stare at an empty message box wondering who to talk to again.
You already know how to talk to people. You do it all day long. The only thing that ever stopped you was thinking a DM had to be a sales pitch.
It doesn’t. So go and start a conversation.
